AN APPETITE FOR DARKNESS (1:1:5:47)
I've had a dream where I'm walking through a forest, and along my travel, in the distance, I see the Lord sitting on a large rock. I watch the Lord, wondering what he's done and what he will do next. Where's he's been and where he plans to go.
Moments later Satan appears, who looks to be tired from a long journey of his own. The two had been working on a project and were still in the early phases. Satan had decided to test the set of rules they had decided for the project, rules we would later name "the laws of physics."
Satan approaches the Lord, and the Lord says to Satan, "Where have you come from?" Satan answers the Lord, "From roaming through the Earth and going back and forth in it."
As a child I remember someone telling me that Satan was at one time one of God's angels, but I guess something happened between them and they went their separate ways. Most people would say Satan went from being good to being evil. Funny how quickly one thing can become the exact opposite.
Most people might also say that you must try your best to cleanse yourself of evil, but the meaning of that advice is relative. Few people might say you must cleanse yourself of good. The first piece of advice, because it is more common, people will always associate cleansing one's self with the act of ridding one's self from any kind of evil, but in a place with no influence, no commonality, cleansing one's self will mean to either become all good or become all evil, and there will be no judgment on which path you choose because either or is one in the same and the words "most" and "few" are simply made-up words from a book of fiction.
The Sun is rising, but not everyone rises along with it. There is one woman who has risen before even the Sun because today is her first day working with others who are considered to be the best in their fields.
She lives alone, but she is not lonely. She has not yet developed an appetite for darkness, though she will after the life she chooses leaves her in turmoil. Serving the police department, she will learn that the will to do good sometimes needs to be fed by bad or rotten roots.
"You're early, detective Jackson." She looks at her commanding officer and wonders what being early may imply. Her commanding officer continues to speak, "You're early but there is one person you will never beat to the station." The person he is referring to is detective Mainor. While Lieutenant Merils means to imply that Mainor is always the first person to show up, that's simply not true. What he actually means is that in his heart, Mainor never really stops doing the job, and because of this he never really leaves the station. Mainor is the type of detective who even when he's at home he is working on catching his victim's killer. "If you can put as much devotion to the job as Mainor, you won't need talent or luck." Detective Mya Jackson thinks on those words.
Frank Mainor walks into the large room. "Are you talking about me again?" Merils tells Mainor about the new addition to his squad, Mya Jackson. Mainor looks at Jackson and then walks up to her to shake her hand and welcomes her aboard. Jackson catches a glimpse of a whiteboard with a list of names. These are a list of names of people who have been murdered in the current year. She looks at Mainor's name, all of the names are in black except two. Next to Mainor's name is Wilson who has more than thirteen names in red. It doesn't take long for Jackson to realize that Wilson was the one who had to solve the "abandoned apartment murders."
About thirty minutes later, Mainor and Merils are in Merils's office and Mainor is giving him his opinion on the new officer. Mainor, as he has warned Merils before, says that adding people to the team is unnecessary, especially if the person doesn't have any experience. Merils says that more man-power means the quicker they will bring down the drug kingpin and the quicker they can all get back to their regular jobs and lives.
Mainor walks out of the office and tells a deskless Jackson that they are going for a drive. The two get outside to see the Sun is out and the darkness is gone. If you asked him, Mainor would tell you that the darkness is the only place an evil person could hide. He would also tell you that you could find good people hiding in the same darkness. He might make you wonder if he is one of those good people who hides in said darkness, and if he might pass on his appetite for darkness to a young Mya Jackson.
In the car, while they are driving, Mainor asks Jackson about where she was before she came here. Jackson was a patrol officer who was in the right place at the right time while a convenient store robbery was in progress. She was right near the location when she got the call and was able to stop the criminal before he could get away. What she didn't know at the time is that she had just arrested a man who was wanted for several murders. The assassins that these large drug operations have, he was one of them.
Mainor slows down and pulls up to a curb. About a block down, on the other side of the street, there is a man nicknamed "Rock" who is talking to a few of his associates. Mainor tells Jackson to look up far ahead, and when he sees that she sees Rock, he says, "These are the people we are going after. Not these guys specifically, but they will get us the bigger fish."
Jackson asks if they are drug dealers. Mainor tells her that the one who looks like he's explaining something to the others, that he's a "lieutenant" in the organization, however Mainor is incorrect. Rock, whose real name is Terrell Bell, has slowly begun to separate himself from the organization after what he believes what a betrayal on his superiors' parts.
Mainor tells Jackson not to worry, that they have Ryan and others on their side. Weeks before, Mainor and Ryan were given permission to lead a unit that would help decrease crime, mainly homicides and drug trafficking, after the murder of two young children. The last thing Mainor says to Jackson before he starts the car to go back to the station is that she doesn't have to dress so nice. "We're only stopping bad people, nothing else."
I had a dream, but now I'm awake. At first, I can't remember what the dream was about, but after a few seconds it all comes crashing down. In the dream I'm in some kind of jazz club. On the stage there are performers performing a song. I'm sitting way in the back watching them. The only person I pay attention to is the female singer, who after a while I realize is Lynne.
She's singing softly, what about I can't remember, but her appearance, even more than her voice, is what's most appealing to me. White dress, a light in her eyes. For a moment I black everything else out and the only thing that I know for sure that is real is her beauty. Despite the fact that it's a dream, and despite the fact that beauty is simply an idea and perception, for that moment I feel as if I could hold the beauty she possesses. That I could find it somewhere and keep it safe.
There's a knock at my door and when I answer it, it's the large woman who lives on the third floor. She hands me an envelope and tells me it was accidentally put in her mailbox.
It looks like more junk mail so I throw it in the trash. I put on my shoes and start my travels to my parents' home. Walking across the parking lot I notice Lynne's car. It's empty. I walk up to it and look in the driver's seat to see what she may have been doing the last time I saw her. There's nothing there of any significance, but as I'm walking away I notice she is sleeping in the back seat. I wonder what she is doing there, but I don't wake her up. I continue what short distance I have traveled so far.
It is said that in his heart a man plans his course, but it is the Lord who determines his steps. If you were alive centuries ago you might have met a philosopher who believed that each person is responsible for giving their own lives meaning and purpose. In a dream connected to the thieves from New York, I'm at a point where I can't figure out what to do with my life because my partner has died and the anger I felt has begun to fade away. After some time, I find myself in a third world country attempting to find peace and help those who cross my path in my search to find fulfillment in life again, but not the kind of fulfillment that required anger.
Sometimes I'm locked and it's hard to get in without a key. That doesn't stop everyone though, some people like to force me open by kicking me down. Sometimes I'm not locked, however, and people just simply walk in.
I used to get annoyed with people knocking on me, but that doesn't happen anymore because no one lives here now. I also used to hate when people would look right through me to see what's on the other side.
Here comes the narrator. You probably know this person as the storyteller. Opening the gate. Climbing the steps. Now the storyteller's hand is on my doorknob, and now I'm open for everyone to see what's inside. The storyteller walks into the parents' home and now the storyteller's hand is on the other doorknob and is now closing me and eventually I will say "shut."